Tuesday, 14 August 2018

Mr Tonight

They were wrong, so wrong about me, so wrong about my choice and how i deal with my emotions.

So wrong about my feelings, and how i will get past a seemingly ugly situation,so wrong about my actions and reactions.

So dead wrong about my strength, they allow my feeble look pass for my greatest strength.

They were aware of all what had happened, and thought the happenings is enough to break any rock.

So true, but that wasn't true of me, I had my shock absorbers on and get back up as fast as I hit the floor.

Maybe, just maybe, one more try won't be a bad idea after all, "I thought to myself " so I lunched out.

To their dismay, I wasn't in the look-out for what they thought I should be on the lookout for. It was about the present I thought.

Let the future take care of itself, I wanted a happy present, devoid of expectations and high hopes.

A present of peace, love, calmness and laughter. I wanted some sound sleep and I needed it now.

I got it after all, and YES!  The future got itself sorted out too.


Saturday, 4 August 2018

The colour of my blood

It wasn't the colour of their Skin tone that matters, nor the silk nature of their hair, i was never interested in their race, religion or tribe,always afraid of height so that meant nothing to me anyways.

They came in different  shapes, colours and sizes, so i learnt to learn about new adaptations every hour. Studying them like some Cambridge scholarship exams i never get to write anyways.

I read their statements but never understood the last sentence ever, so i lost the message halfway through,, perhaps because they never spelt the words correctly,but i read them anyways.

Vulnerability was not my thing so i remained guarded at all times. They tell me to activate my shock absorbers but i didn't need to. I was already absorbed in shock.

No one knew my name, they were not Patient for the Story, so i tell them to myself instead. I became my friend when i didn't know the enemies.

Their hurt cuts so deep and i bleed out in pain,endlessly fighting the urge to fight back, and when i finally decide to, i realize the real colour of my blood.

It wasn't red after all. It was White, transparent, pure and crystal. It was my real Identity.

Sunday, 13 May 2018

Motherhood,the pain,the sacrifice,the smiles,the secrets,and the anticipation.

From the moment she laid her back down on the bed in total surrender to the one she calls LOVE, to the emotional pain she bear and refuse to admit while he stroke her back and forth for some minutes of pleasure to his body.

From the moment she has to wake up very early in the morning after the bed-duty all night, just to make breakfast for him even while the little one grows inside of her.

From the different times she has to control her maternity mood swing just to keep her home in check and stay at peace  with both nuclear and extended family members,  maintaining official sanity in her work place so to pay her bills.

From the moment she went through series of labour stages,,,,,,  a pain only she can bear. From the point she holds her little one in her hands, nursing and loving and still maintaining her home front.

From the moment she makes him food, do his laundry, drops and pick him up from school and attend to his homework. Smiling under the scorching sun while their heart bleeds within their chest in pains.

From the moment she begins to dish out advice, checking up on his company and ensuring all was well with him. (her child). Those moment they pretend to be full just to fill your stomach, while their intestine wallow in hunger.

From the moment she starts prying into his emotional state and making sure he makes and also choose a good partner.

From the moment she starts growing old, age begins to fail, taste gradually lost, choice changing and even emotion grows fragile.

These mothers all have their secrets. The secret they can't share because they want to appear strong, a secret they can't share because they want to cry alone, a secret they can't share because they put you first.

Their secret anticipation and expectations,  their secret smile and deep laughter. Their untold stories, most of them go to their graves with.

Indeed they are braver than they think, wiser than they can imagine.
Stronger than they show
And caring beyond words.

To all the mother out there
We love you beyond words.

Happy Mothers day

Saturday, 5 May 2018

Thick skin, elastic heart.

Appearance differs from reality they say, but how different is the content to its container? Question of the mind though.

With an unending harsh environment that propelled me developing a tough skin,  and the heat it generates melts my heart so high that it change its original fleshy form.

As the heating progresses I realized I was gonna be left with no heart (death) and I didn't want that for myself,, so I decided to pick up what was left of the heating, and all I could make out of it was nothing but an elastic form.

All effort to get it to its original state proved abortive due to the severity of the heating.I tried,i tried,i really tried,,,but the elastic form was all there was.

The pasturization level was so high that the catalytic effect was an elastic heart in a thick skin. So now i am glued with them both.

My new skin and heart became so close to themselves that i began to feel like some total stranger to my own body.
A feeling i wasn't too cool with initially.

Blending in on them wasn't that easy,but like some fine wine, i love every taste of them now.

A drop of this fine wine gives a soothing relief and i don't miss the old life, i am embracing the new life and making love to it every single time.

I am the new version of the old me.

MODEL= Rosemond.

Saturday, 14 April 2018

sounds of resounds

While some worry about the glass being half full, others worry about it being half empty, while I worry about refilling the damn glass and toast to a good life.

The silver spoon was never a craving for me but the silver in itself was my inner drive.

So I turned on the ignition and shut my ears to the world and my eyes to the traffic signs.

An act I knew could cost my life,,,,,,
but what then is life if I can't express myself, I thought to myself, and this fueled my engine as I set out for the ride of life.

The road of course wasn't a smooth one as I bumped into pot holes and bumbs that posed a serious threat to my car tire,, and sometimes when the tire has passed it's elastic limits it burst open.

I wasn't ignorant of this future happenings so I had my truck stuck full with various spare parts before I set off.

Then, at every point of a fix, I heard this tiny subtle voice asking me to turn around and go home.

But then I realized that "home" is not where you come from but what you make of where you are. Since I was in the middle of nowhere, I thrive to get to my destination so I can pitch my tent and comfortably call it home.

Still on this journey though,, on my way home.

NB= never stop your journey  half way. Home is possible.

MODEL=Maggie (big sist)

Thursday, 12 April 2018

The reflective image

Being in a mental asylum, all i had with me was my thoughts,the sunrise and the sunset.

Not trying to leave so much to their imagination so i bare it all Up.
My reflective shadow brought nearer by the warming sun was the only companion i had and i wasn't willing to squash the Union.

A Union i cherished so much, a companion that moved, talked, thought, and felt just like myself.

A companion i was never gonna have to explain my every step to,, not because i wouldn't willingly do that, but because this companion sits in my thoughts, shared my breath, and has its life intertwined with Mine.

This reflective image was my very shadow,,, the real me in its semi-numb state. 

The me in its still form. 

The real me in its sunographic form. 

Saturday, 7 April 2018

My fruit, Your fruit. Part A

When God blessed his creation, He said, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and conquer it” (Gen. 1:22). This statement has been singularly interpreted to mean that we, God’s creatures should multiply and fill the earth through reproduction. While the above is true, it was not the singular reason why God created us.

If it were the singular reason why God created man, then God will simply say “multiply and fill the earth.” However, the foremost instruction of God was “be fruitful.' How then can a person be fruitful? This question can only be answered if one understands what fruits are in themselves.

First of all, before you get a fruit, there has to be a tree and a tree itself is the product of a seed. Therefore, for the seed to produce tree which in turn will produce fruits, there has to be a sower. Now there are two sowers in this world; God and the devil.

Matt 13:3 talks about a sower going out to sow; just as God goes out to sow, so does the devil and God goes forth to sow his words in our hearts whereas the devil goes out to sow thorns in our minds.

However, after the seeds are sown, we are expected to produce fruits, so fruits here are simply the products of the seed sown in our hearts, or putting it in a different way, they are the results of our stewardship. We are meant to nurture the word in our hearts and produce much fruits otherwise, we’ll lose it as the devil will come and steal the word away from our hearts (Matt 13:19).

Using a simple illustration from the Bible to buttress this point, (Luke 13: 7 – 9) “the owner of the vineyard is God the creator, the gardener is Jesus Christ his son and the tree represent the children of God. This chapter is in reference to an unproductive tree and God is not please when a tree isn’t producing fruits (Matt 21:19). The world is like a garden and we all are like trees, we are expected to bear good fruits so as to make our creator (God the sower) to be pleased with our existence.

God goes out and he sows his word in our heart and expects us to produce fruits, but the problem is that the devil also sows in our minds to ruin the perfect plan of God for our lives but God’s expectation of us is that we “bring forth fruits worthy of repentance Matt 3:8.

This therefore means that there are other fruits not worthy of repentance.
In our daily, we are expected to live lives that people will acknowledge as pleasing to God and lives that God himself will glory in, such that he can proudly boast of us to be sons and daughters of his. This is a life that bears fruits worthy of repentance.
Anything outside this is bearing fruits unworthy of repentance. Every singular action we take either bears fruit worthy of repentance or bears fruits outside of repentance.

CC: John B.

Friday, 6 April 2018

The ladder trip

Princess and Tessy graciously held the ladder, one having a smaller frame and the Other a bigger frame, with complete opposite complexion as well,, you Could call them two sides of a human coin.

It was about 8pm and all i wanted to do was delve into my plate of rice and sauce awaiting me upstairs so i took the next option, #the ladder option.

The ladder is too fragile and not long enough,,,, this statement stared me in the face because it was the truth. But i wasn't Concerned about the truth for now but about a Way Up, so i shoved it all behind.

My dress was pretty short because i never bargained being shutout from using the newly tiled stairways that wasn't yet dry enough.

I stared at the ladder for a fast second and took the first step.
Easy easy easy,, they screamed,, but i was determined so i listened to them and went easy,,, each step took me further up but not without a Constant shaking.

A jump landed my pretty frame on the newly tilled walk way and like some model i exercised on the runway to the embrace of my hot sauced rice. Call me a glutton that will be Fine.

Down with a bottle of chilled water i had to head back to my place of rest,,, ooopsss Princess and Theresa had varnished into the thin air,, so i was left to make the ladder walk down all by myself.

Successful it was and i lag back on my bed to reminisce on the past hour scenario,,,,should i be proud of myself for bravery or consider a Change of course?

Just Maybe Nature is calling me into another Ministry,, just Maybe. But until we find that out,, let me enjoy my ladder trip now playing in my head.

Take a step today,, even if it means climbing a shaking ladder.
#don't try this at Home.

Thursday, 5 April 2018

The grey angle

Hands dangling through her hair,, unable to get a grasp of a single Strand. The slit placing tiny funny unwanted lines on her little fingers and she began to Play with them like guitar strings.

She wanted to be able to admire all the beautiful colors, so she stood at the grey angle.

An angle devoid of the masses and their echos, An angle devoid of haste,
devoid of uncertainty, so she can feel her pulse and be in Control of her adrenaline.

She saw clearly through the Grey angle.
The Peace, the serenity and the soothing relief flushed through her face enhancing her view and making the stay worth while

She is the Grey Angle itself,, and the rest of the World is but a micro-colony.


Monday, 2 April 2018

The ash beneath the rainbow.

It was a quiet evening as the rattling was all mute and all i could hear was the buzzing of my phone awakening me to the reality of life itself.
Like every Other day, i peeped on my accounts to keep Up with friends and family and the World at large on the social angle.
I ordinarily won't spend much time on it cause my World had me in check and i wouldn't watch any part of my life Lagging behind, so my time table was always before me.

Unlike every Other day, the calls and messages wasn't same, but the message they all passed was same.
This makes me take multiple looks at the large mirror hanging on my wall.

I thought to myself,, just maybe i could take a chance,,just Maybe i could explore a different dimension,, just Maybe i could unlock some potentials and walk a New path,,,just Maybe i could breath Again.

These thoughts gave birth to a new journey,, a journey that wasn't without sleepless nights, discouragement, sacrifice, pains, uncertainty and many diverse setback.

On every outing my heart raced, uncertain of what my mouth will say, how my legs will walk, nor how broad my smile will be.

Nothing equate the Joy in my heart when i realized i was being free and being me. When i realized i wasn't  in a competition with anyone but was rather breaking a new ground. When i realized the definition of the World wasn't consequential. When i realized i had to prove no one right or wrong.

That was when my life began, that was when i read between the lines, that was when my head began to deserve a crown, that was when the Woman in me was born, that was when i became my own HERO.

The rainbow indeed never came without the ash,,, but instead i turned the ash into an eye-shadow and saw clearly through the rainbow.


Tuesday, 27 March 2018

you didn't come to Play.

Facing everything with a bang like my life depends on it. Heading out for everything i was once told i couldn't achieve. My inner strength is outgrowing my surrounding fears. Oh Oh...

The No's are suddenly becoming a resounding Yes, the mountains leveling Up.
Its all out there,  i once thought there were farfetched,  how well i have realized they stare me in the face.
News splash!!!
I just didn't  come to play.

The games are seaming more interesting and the invitation to play all comes in a VVIP ticket,  but right now Am setting the rules of the game, so Playing ain't an option for me. 

Shutting negative right out the door. NO! Am not growing into being unreceptive, Am just not down for all the drama i once took in.

Bottled up inside is a fearless and resilient being, whom after going through the highs and lows have made a decision irrespective of what get screwed for the right course.

Enough i say!!!!  You keep telling me of the hurt, fears,pains,shame,rejection,abuse and Many more, i agreed and as such retreated my steps. But hey!!!  How come you you never mentioned of the gains, Love, fame, Joy, Comfort, goals, happiness and the likes, well then, let me fill you in on it.

The World is not that terrible after all,  they are always two sides in a coin and am ready to Flip the coin around.
Am turning my cants to cans and my dreams into Plans,  getting my both feet firmly on the ground and my personality getting stronger because i am living by clear norms and values.

Am all comfortable with life's Irony and fixing myself into ever thread.
Am the reflection of the Choices i made.

I didn't come to Play
I come to make the rules for the playground.


Thursday, 22 February 2018

The birth, the death, the regeneration and the fusion of mission.

Many years ago A Star shone from the east as an incredible infant was born in the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital,in the beautiful city of port Harcourt.

The earth itself Knew it just received a one of a kind visitor, and it instructs it's entirety to cooperate with the baby's mandate, and so it was.

Differing all medical protocols and choosing life amidst the many deaths that loomed around. The earth once again began to understand the mystery behind this very birth so it patiently waited for its manifestation.

And on this day, the 23rd day of February 2018, I DIE,  a death that has been long awaited, a very important death, a death that is a major pathway into another phase.

I DIE today, so I can live
I DIE so I can be born again
I DIE so the prime mission can be birthed

For purpose has been buried beneath the harsh criticism of life,
For mission has suffered severe injuries in the hands of procrastination,
For believe, trust, and hope has been sent on exile.

But today, MARTHA SAGAY dies, to give birth to a higher CALLING  to humanity.

This is the point, where dream, purpose and mission collide. A point where vision is birthed and nurtured. A point where service becomes paramount and self comes last.

Happy Birthday MARTHA SAGAY
Happy Birthday OUT THE SHADES
Today we two become one in mission.

I present to you our newest evergreen baby
A platform designed strictly for you .Where you come first.
Join us today on all our social media handles and let's come OUT OF THE SHADES together.

We love you.

Monday, 19 February 2018

The mini-ice rain in Benin city

Rain as usual,,,but this one was absolutely different in just one sense.
When the wind came on, we ran helter skelter seeking shelter,,so unfortunate,,within a split second the roof of little shelter we found gave way to the rain as it couldn't  resist the heavy wind.
Not long before, the roof gave up and we were left drenched in the rain.
Just when we were about to call it a bad evening having drenched,,,,,
We noticed shiny-like cold substances drop on our body,,,, the crystal looked like some joke as we refused to believe what it looked like.
Lo,,,,,, its ICE,,,,,
We screamed and got down to the ground to pick up what was left of the ice,
We loved every moment of it as we forgot whatever was as stake.
Ice in Benin,,,,
And this was the beginning of a great-cold evening in this part of Benin.

Sunday, 18 February 2018

When love happens in the heart and the mind don't seem to comprehend the mystery.

The piece on your request,,,,,,,,

My heart ain't racing cause you got me hooked.
Don't know how u did it but u got me booked.
Its not about the things you said or didn't say,,,
As most times your actions drives me off the brooks,,,,,,,but yet i stay.
Like a shadow of turning i can't seem to leave my heart behind.
At first i thought it was LUST, so i tried to run  as fast as my legs could carry,,,,
But every step i take away brings me even closer,,,,
So i gave up....
I gave up the struggle my emotions has been subjected to,
I resort to fate for i know destiny knows better than i do
So here i am,,,, granting a request i ordinarily would turn down
Your hands wrapped about my tiny frame all day and night would take away my fears.
While staring into your eyes,i could see the world in a glance.
You say over and over how much you love me,,and it makes me smile,
because you doubt i do too.

Kisses,hugs and an all-night wild romance won't still define how i feel,,
So when i say NO to it, its simply because i want you to have more.
Words will fail me if i bank on them right now.
For what my heart feels your heart knows already.
I solved this puzzle a long time ago,,,,so i will have to pause here.
Its a piece you requested for,but its my heart you got here.


Tuesday, 13 February 2018

Emotional Tango in a crazy love circle on a Valentine day. (rated 18)

My fragile hands wrapped around his muscular frame, wild thoughts colliding with the sound of a kiss interrupted by an unending quest for more.

All I did was feel the warmth of his embrace as light sweat drip down my spine in a very slow pace that I could count my breath with a drip.

I starred into his eyes that were already pooping out their sockets from his gaze on me,  and immediately my legs lost its balance as my limbs grew weaker by the second.

He lifted me up to save me from tripping and I buried my entire body on his chest. His broad chest served as the perfect casket that rest my pretty head and I got consumed in the moment.

Just like a tomb, silence filled the room , and we could hear the sound of the ticking clock from a distance.

We both lost track of time, as hours suddenly took the form of seconds and we wished for more.

Nothing was more honorable like his planted kiss on my forehead, and as each was planted I watered it by reciprocating. A gesture that earned me more kisses,, and yesssss time went by again without  our notice.

He placed my little  frame on the bath tub,,,, yes!  The bath was a soothing relief,  the perfect soothing relief my body needed after a long day at work.

Gently leading me to the room, as a mother watching over her suckling,,  he placed me on the bed,,,,, the best part.

He sang me a lullaby,,, cuddling me like it's the last thing he wanna do before he dies,,, and once more,, I felt even more tiny as his muscular  frame enveloped my entire make-up. *Perfect match you may call us.

The slow jam filled the air and his whisper was lost in the sentimental waves that consumed us.

I never bothered to utter a word,, I was engulfed in my thoughts. Never knew dreams could come through.

As I lay me down here,, starring at the man I swore eternity with,  it all begins to make more sense.

I put all the broken LETTERS together and the only SENTENCE it could make was

Happy Valentine day people.
Dedicated  to all married couples
In the house.

Friday, 2 February 2018

the street girl, her walk way and her audience.(part A)

She wouldn't cave, hell no. She loves the life outside the tunnel. She ain't ready to give up that castle-fied exterior she fills her mind with on daily basis. She chuckles in her head whenever people expect her to function in a designed/classified strata.
The street taught her all she knows, directly and indirectly. Her gag is simply on the placards displayed in the streets. She wouldn't give the world's compartmentalization for a careless second. You want to inculcate into her schedule and rain on her parade????
    Oops, you will have to give that a second thought because the street girl barely can squeeze herself into the 24hours  of the day. Yet, she loves with her every breath.

From the air she breaths to the future she sees are all birthed and watered in the street. Having been there, she is constantly ready to risk it all for a dream no one can see but her. She is a survivor not just because she fought any battle but because she feels indebted to the future she sees.
She knows she ain't for everyone, so would never crave to be just another pretty face down the hallway,
she gives up all pettiness for the whole package she envisage irrespective of the discomfort her decisions brings on her at the given point in time.
She vehemently looks forward to the tide tomorrow would bring and as such goes blind to the turbulence of today. She is a model to herself and the street is her run -way.


resolution again in 2018

All these regimented personal addendum has only succeeded in putting a wide laugh on my face because the only broad spectrum resolution that should be enacted in our lives was spelt out 2000years ago and has ever since been the model of the kind of life we individually and collectively crave for.

It sends some chill down my spin when I see chunk of documented resolutions daily,weekly,monthly,quarterly and yearly.  

It baffles me even more when I see repeated resolutions penned down over time. And I begin to wonder,,probably the word has lost its essence.I once had a man under my counsel,after the first session I saw satisfaction on his face,but something within me felt strange,so I rescheduled for another session,it was a heated session,hitting back to back at all angles.

I realised the exact cause of his pains was same for his happiness,Guess what!!!! HIS RESOLUTIONS,he gets broken,shattered and bitter when he misses out on any and later beam with smiles when he gets close to making another resolution.
And he gushes on how well he is going to live up to them this new season.Ooopss this single act pisses me off,the torment,confusion,lies,and unkind treatment he inflicts on himself all in the bid to keep them up.
What a pity,sitting before me was a man who walks freely but was bonded with chains of his mental prison.
2018 is here with varying listed resolutions,how about we take a sneak peak by the priceless blood of the lamb!!!  Just maybe we might have a reason.

To double-check our penned down resolution,free ourselves from the mental trap and embrace 2018.


Tuesday, 16 January 2018

I am the girl nextdoor

Monday, 15 January 2018

Destiny review (part A)

Laughter filled my mouth and I continue non-stop.

No!!!!!!! It wasn't out of excitement or extreme happiness, it was my expression of confusion,anger,untold pain, and future anticipated hardship. 

   The vehicle literally came to a stop but in my head I wished it was still in motion. I beat myself a multiple time to face the shocking reality that the bus has really come to a halt.
   I gazed around the faces of my co- passengers wondering what was going on in their head.
   Oh,,,,, what a futile search as my emotions was too clouded to see clearly, so I couldn't read through them.
Uncertain about what I felt, but certainly sure of how I felt.
    I managed to count my steps slowly not to trip as I descend the bus. Unsure if I want my feet on the ground or just fly away without a step. I stood still on the last step down, wondering if to to take the next step or just run back inside the bus and wake up from what I only hoped was a dream.
   Hell no, here was reality staring me in the face so I got to take the step anyways.
   A step to the unknown,unsure of what lay wait for me in the apartment. The faces of the ushers beamed with a smile, then I realized what a tough skin they must have developed against this harsh environment over time.
   Time sure heals all they say.
So I take my next step with the confidence of the philosophy of time.

My time for a destiny review is here and now.


Thursday, 11 January 2018

my escape

Uncontrollable tears streaming down my beautiful cheeks. Rushing down with a force I can barely comprehend. My heart is heavy,yet couldn't scream out the pain, my head banging so loud I can feel the heat.
Steam boiling out from my nostrils whilst trying to catch a breath. No word could describe the pain deep inside as every word I hear cut deep inside.
I am broken to shreds, torn in pieces as I watch my life fade away like a flash of light.  Trying to catch my breath,but like a wild wind it keeps flying away.
I want to run so far from a reach,
Too high for a grab,
And too deep from a sight,  but as much as I run I end up in the same enclosed circle.
My heart is racing fast and yet I am not running at all. Words are fast leaving my head as nothing seems to make sense to me anymore.
In a world filled with people yet I am standing all alone listening to the voices in my head.
The crowd seems like a shadow to me and their voice like an echo.
All I want now is an escape.
An escape from the hurt that is so unbearable,
An escape from the bangs in my head,
An escape from the torment I face
An escape from ME
But now I realise that I am MY ESCAPE!!!
and so are you.